Come Home To Me
by Dmarx
Summary: She thought she could do this. She thought she could have both. Now she's not sure she's succeeding at either one. No spoilers past 6x01.


_Summary: She thought she could do this. She thought she could have both. Now she's not sure she's succeeding at either one. No spoilers past 6x01._

_Author's Note: Set a few episodes into season 6, and based on the (fairly obvious) assumptions that (a) Castle survives, and (b) Kate eventually goes back to NYC._

_Disclaimer: I think we've already firmly es__tablished that I don't own Castle._

* * *

**Come Home To Me**

Six weeks. For the second time in a row, they hadn't seen each other in six weeks.

Different cities, different apartments, lonely nights, broken promises. It's what's defined their engagement thus far.

And she's missed him. She's missed him so much, _so fiercely_, every single day, and she's not sure she realized just how much until now. But she wishes it hadn't come to this.

Again.

She wishes she'd been able to uphold her promises to come visit. That she hadn't had to cancel twice in the last two months.

But the reality is that she couldn't. She can't. Because this is her life now. Long hours, difficult cases, the workload never letting up and new things arising at all times. She thought she could manage it. She thought she'd be able to seize the opportunity on her weekends off and head back to New York.

What she didn't count on was that weekends off were never a guarantee and time spent with loved ones would never be able to be a priority.

When she said yes at the swings, she promised Castle that she would be there to work things out with him. And she meant it. She does want to work things out. She wants to make this happen. Wants a life with him, a wedding, a honeymoon, a family.

But it's been three months now, and aside from his unexpected visit last month and his arrival a few hours ago, all they've managed are late-night phone calls laced with exhaustion, the two hundred miles between them a fissure that only seems to expand with each day spent apart.

He's been remarkably okay with it, at least outwardly. But Kate knows she's not being fair, and she knows he sees it too, regardless of whether he's said anything. She's not sure whether she's more irritated that this is what their relationship has become or that he hasn't called her out on it. Won't. Because that's just who he is.

_You take this job, you move to DC and I'll never see you. That's pretty much the end of our relationship._

His words echo ominously through the silence now, frightening in their correctness.

No.

She refuses to let this be the end. They've worked too hard, been through too much to give up so easily. She'll just have to work harder, focus more intensely at work. The faster she learns the ropes, the faster she'll be able to solve these cases. And then, hopefully, she'll have a couple more days off and they can figure everything out.

She said that once before, too, and yet here they are six weeks later. And nothing is even remotely figured out.

Next to her the bed shifts, and she drops her gaze to see Castle rolling over, arm stretching out in search of her. Her heart clenches, because she's lost count of the number of times she's done that exact thing only to find the bed starkly empty next to her. Seeking him, missing him even in slumber.

She scoots closer, eyes tracing over his shadowed form. Legs tangled beneath her sheets, chest bare, the sweat still drying on his skin as his ribcage rises and falls with each breath. She can just make out the slope of his nose, bits of his hair sticking up in all directions, the soft flare of his eyelashes sweeping over his cheeks. He looks so peaceful, so handsome, even in sleep. Not to mention adorably rumpled and thoroughly ravished.

They may have been a bit...desperate.

Blue eyes blink open then, clouded with sleep but rapidly clearing as they settle on her. She's seated back against the headboard, legs curled to her chest, arms wrapped around herself. Her cheek rests on the table of her knees, eyes blinking down at him. Streaks of light seep in between the slats of the blinds, casting a soft golden glow over the room. One of the rays catches her face, reflecting in her eyes, illuminating the profound sadness in their depths.

"Kate," he murmurs, voice deep and scratchy with sleep. She feels the arousal curl low in her abdomen even in spite of her inner turmoil. But all she can manage is a small smile, everything she wants to verbalize caught around the lump in her throat, unable to escape.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Castle presses up onto one elbow, reaches out and wraps a grounding hand around her ankle.

Kate shakes her head, cheek brushing over the bare skin of her leg. She unfolds her hand to reveal the chain that spends its days around her neck, his ring nestled over her heart. Keeping him close even when miles stretch between them.

Her thumb traces over the diamonds, the shimmering symbol of his love, of all he wanted them to be when he offered it to her.

All she wants them to be.

All that they're never going to be so long as this job defines her life.

"I don't know if I can do this."

His thumb brushes over the tender skin of her anklebone, a feather-light dusting of a touch. "Do what?"

"This," she admits sadly.

His eyes settle upon the ring in her hand, rise to seek hers in the darkness.

"Kate..." he begins, panic already closing in around him. He doesn't know where she's going with this, but he's fairly certain he's not going to like it.

"I thought I could be an agent," she elucidates, lifting her head. "I thought I could handle the workload and still have time for us."

"You can," he assures her quickly. "You're still learning. It'll get better."

"But what if it doesn't?"

She's seen how things work now, watches her colleagues work days on end, no time for a life outside of work. She's heard their comments too, seen the way they glance disapprovingly in her direction when she's on the phone with him, no matter how brief the conversation. Very few of her coworkers have families, and those who do hardly see them, don't have time to take calls during the day. Never mind having time to fly to another city or plan a wedding.

She doesn't want that life for them. She loves the challenges of her new job, and she's learning so much every day. She gets along well with her colleagues, and McCord is a tough but trustworthy partner. But she also still struggles on a daily basis, what with all the protocols and politics, everything so grey where once it was black and white. It's a steep learning curve, catching on to the way things work here. And so far, it's not going all that well.

She doesn't want to give up just because it's hard. She's never been one to walk away from a challenge, and she's certainly not going to start now.

But at the same time, it's not what she thought it was. And if she's brutally honest with herself, she's not as happy here. Not like she was in New York.

She's not sure she ever will be.

Castle's voice breaks through her thoughts, low and gentle. "What are you saying?"

Her thumb traverses the platinum band again. "I don't know."

"Do you not want me here?"

"You know I do."

Hell, she wants him here all the time. Not just on stolen days off, catching last minute late-night flights on the exceedingly rare occasions that she actually has a day off. Because even though they're scheduled, even though she's been promised a weekend away from the office, it doesn't always play out that way. It hasn't yet, in fact.

And though money is no object, though Castle has no problem racing to the airport at nine o'clock at night when she calls saying they caught an unexpected break and closed the case and she has tomorrow off, it's not conducive to a healthy relationship. Not in the slightest.

"Do you want me here more?" he questions instead. "Because I can stay this week, I don't have to..."

"I wish that was possible," she breathes regretfully, the harsh whisper cutting him off. "But, Castle, when I'm working, I have to eat, sleep, and breathe whatever case we're on."

"And you can't do that when I'm here." It's not a question.

She nods sadly. "I wish..." she begins, trails off.

"What?" Castle prompts tenderly, thumb still steadily tracing the curve of her ankle, the hard peak of bone in counterpoint to the soft hollows on either side.

"Coming home to you tonight..." Kate begins again, "I've missed you so much."

She smiles sadly through the darkness, exhausted, dejected eyes meeting his. She's not used to failing so spectacularly in so many aspects of her life. Relationships have never been her strong point, but at least when all else failed, she had her job to fall back on, a source of security and confidence.

Right now, she has neither.

Castle's voice breaks through the silence. "So where does that leave us?"

Kate shrugs, a slight shake of her head.

"If you want me here, I'll be here."

Her eyes drop to the ring again and she closes her fingers around it, clutching it fiercely in her grasp. She wants him. And she has him. She has him just as wholly as he has her. And she'd thought being engaged, having that promise of commitment, that symbol of their love, would be enough.

But it's not.

It never will be, not with never-ending chasms of space between them.

She wants him here. But more than that, she wants to be there. She misses the city. She misses _him._ It's been gradually building up in her since the moment she arrived here, growing with each passing day, and she can't ignore it any more. Doesn't want to.

DC isn't home. It never will be. And the job...it was everything she _thought _she wanted.

She knows now that she thought wrong.

"You don't want to be here."

She shouldn't be surprised that he's put the pieces together so easily, but she's infinitely grateful for it. She's not sure she can force the words out right now.

"I don't know if I can do this," she says again.

"You can, Kate," Castle promises, so full of faith in her. "I know you can."

"But that doesn't mean I should."

Castle pushes up into a seated position, curling his legs and resting his weight on one hand next to his hip.

"This isn't what I thought it was going to be," she says softly, the words spilling out of her now. "It's not...me."

"It'll get better," he promises again, but they both know it's empty.

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then we'll make it better."

"You think I should stay?"

"Kate." He trails his hand up her shin, over her knee until he can wrap it around her thigh, fingers thick and warm against her skin. She feels the heat radiating from his touch, feels the love and desire warm her veins. "I love you and I want you to do what makes you happy. And if that's this job, then I'm here to support you."

"_You_ make me happy."

His eyes light up and a loving smile splits his face at her admission.

"But this...the long distance and sixteen hour days and hardly having time to call you at night. That's not a relationship, Castle. It's not _us._"

His grip tightens around her thigh, heart thumping out of his chest in anticipation of her words. He wants so badly to ask her to just come home, to come back to New York with him. He's wanted it since the moment she left. And it's selfish, because above all, he wants her to be happy. That conviction has been the only thing holding the words back for the last three months. But now that he's here, now that he can see how deeply unhappy she truly is...

She beats him to it.

"I'm handing in my resignation on Monday."

"What?"

"I can't keep doing this, Castle. I've been here long enough now to know how this works. And the people who have families...I watch them put the case above them on a daily basis. I don't want to live like that anymore."

Five years ago, it would have been the perfect job for her.

But a lot can change in five years.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

Kate nods, her jaw set in a determined line, eyes steely even in the darkness. "I am."

Castle lifts his hand to hers, uncoils her fingers and peels the chain from her palm. With slightly unsteady hands, he loops it over her head, gently nestling the ring back into place between her breasts.

She catches his hand in hers as it falls, twines their fingers together and tugs him gently in her direction. They've spent so much time apart, and now that he's here, she can't imagine letting him go again.

Castle comes easily, leaning forward to rest his forehead against her temple, and Kate leans into his touch, breathes her love against his skin.

* * *

Four days later, they cross the threshold of the loft together, the last of the boxes that she never even unpacked weighing down their arms. Castle deposits his load on the floor of the foyer, lifts the box from Kate's hand and stacks it on top.

She's shutting the door as he turns back around and he catches her by the waist, twirls her to face him. Her eyes are alight and a soft smile lifts the corners of her mouth, so different from the emotions on her face that night in her apartment. She laces her hands around his neck, leans into his kiss, the press of his lips to hers so full of relief and happiness and love. Castle pulls back just enough to speak, his forehead resting against hers as he releases the three sweetest words she's heard in three months.

"Welcome home, Kate."

* * *

**END**


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